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People eye each other, dance, wander apart.

Inside the dating lives of jersey’s single millennials

At the bar, a guy in a waffle-weave shirt dances alone. Seeking alternatives to bars, she goes to festivals, meetups, museum events and other activities. Sometimes I prefer waiting if I feel like I need time to get to know someone.

Millennial singles have differing opinions about the pace of app-based dating. Economic pressure has also changed the dating lives of millennials. Women in low-slung jeans and low-cut tops belly up to the bar or cluster around high-top tables, nursing cocktails and reapplying lipstick.

There are a lot of activities going on. Many, like Joe Rizzolo, a year-old music teacher who lives in Parsippany, have moved back in with their parents or other relatives.

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Other dating norms—such as the assumption that the guy will pay—also feel outdated. They had a daughter together.

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This I knew. Two years ago, they separated and, a year later, divorced.

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She mentions that more people are taking the time to fully explore their sexuality. More women feel comfortable making the next move, with some apps, like Bumble, requiring women to reach out first. And then there are those single millennials who grapple with an entirely different sort of responsibility: single motherhood. For myself, it really depends on the chemistry and how things are going. Job loyalty, the family unit, sex—all fading away.

When Hazan and her ex originally got together, there was no Tinder. He acknowledges, however, that this access has its downside. While the economy and the job market are much improved, college debt and the rising cost of housing still loom as pivotal factors for millennials.

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But people disappeared back in the day, too. Then there are times where the physical chemistry is through the roof, coupled with cocktails…well, yeah. Hazan introduces me to an entire lexicon with which I am mostly unfamiliar. This constant search for the next best thing le to a of unsavory dating behaviors. And despite constant connectivity, people seem more isolated than ever.

Sex aside, people still seem to be looking for forever. Guys slouch on barstools like discarded coats, waiting for their turn at beer pong. I see that the older singles, especially, are more protective about their lifestyles. Some people feel more comfortable waiting before things get physical, while others just go with the flow. Many entered the workforce at the height of the economic recession, saddled with student loans and facing both a terrible job market and rising housing costs.

Amid the bustle of her fellow millennials—typing on laptops, taking meetings on lounge chairs and in conference rooms—Hazan finds time to give me her romantic history. In the process, her life is fuller. My daughter always comes first. The music blares, too loud for conversation. Melissa shares horror stories. It happens! The gamifying changed things.

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The next week, we meet again in Montclair, this time at the Crosby, where a mix of younger and older professionals circle each other, dressed in suits or sequined sweaters and the full range of business casual. Once you meet someone, the playing field is refreshingly leveled. Sure, many of them put off settling down.

I sit hunched at my own table, sipping a Brooklyn Lager, scrolling through Instagram. Courtships are accelerated. Just as text messaging has squeezed out phone calls, dating apps have supplanted blind dates.

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You think, I can do better than this. Another time, she tried to buy a drink for a guy, but he turned it down and fled out the door.

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We both dedicated our free time to getting to know each other and eating, so it feels fair we pay equally for the experience—good or bad. Priorities shifted. Natalie Almonte, a year-old ultrasound technician in Paterson, lives with her grandmother. Millennials developed new interests. While she uses dating apps, Larell Scardelli prefers meeting in a more organic way.

Everyone is constantly checking their phones. Marriage and parenting seemed like distant promises. Get out of your comfort zone. Sure, millennials have ready access to perhaps too many dating options. I have a daughter. But where will these spontaneous meetings take place? Huan Tran spent much of the past 20 years building up his professional life before he felt able to turn his attention to romantic relationships. Certainly, mobile technology has changed how people communicate. And as for that chemistry: What about reports that millennials are having less sex?

Finding that tiny spark in the middle of a crowd is still hard. Mobile technology—in this case, social media and dating apps—is seen as the root cause. No Instagram. Rizzolo puts it simply. Seventy-one percent of survey respondents said they were personally satisfied with the amount of sex they were having; 92 percent prized quality over quantity. Jersey Living articles. After revealing that Atlantic City, Hoboken, Jersey City, Newark, Ocean City and Trenton are the cities in New Jersey with the most OkCupid users, a representative of the site also shares that most professional online dating Newark NJ in those cities want their next relationship to last the rest of their lives.

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She enjoys hiking, going to the park, taking a bike ride together, seeing a show. And when I spend one night out in Hoboken, I can see why. Hazan agrees. This, for many, is the new face of dating.

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Recently, he realized that all his friends were having babies. In many cases, nascent relationships never even make their way offline. She once drove to Jersey City at rush hour to meet someone at Barcade, a popular craft-beer bar, only to be stood up and ghosted. Still, she continues to put herself out there. These apps allow users to swipe through hundreds of profiles, discarding poor matches in an instant, aling interest at the tap of a screen. What am I doing? Dating rules are being rewritten. The swiping changed things.

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She was married for 11 years. By submitting comments you grant permission for all or part of those comments to appear in the print edition of New Jersey Monthly.

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Active daters find more choices, but often grapple with decision paralysis. No Bumble. Hazan balks at the suggestion that young people are having less sex. Hazan is one of them. Meeting in the course of your authentic life, she contends, creates a common ground. My God, I think, nothing changes.

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If you want to have real, meaningful connections, you have to put down the phone. When Almonte started college, her grandmother offered to let her stay rent free in an extra room until after graduation.

I never stepped out of that. Six years later, Almonte is still there, now paying a nominal rent. The Pew Research Center reports that millennial women make up the majority of single-mother he of households. Melissa has a theory about the phenomena.